


Not About Angels

by carwood



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Children, Cancer, Gen, Hospitals, Illnesses, Lung Cancer, M/M, Major Illness, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-19 06:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14231775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carwood/pseuds/carwood
Summary: “What do you mean you’re sick?” Eddie questions. “Do you have the flu?”“No, not the flu. I have… cancer” Andy explains.Eddie sits in silence for a minute before responding “My grandpa had cancer… What is cancer?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> no disrespect is meant with this fic. cancer is a serious illness and not just an "interesting trope" to make a fic more exciting. i hope you understand my intentions.
> 
> title from not about angels by birdy

“Andy!” Eddie shouts, jumping up onto his bed. Andy pulls the blanket up over his head, only for Eddie to pull it back down. “Wake up!”

“Not today, Eddie.” Andy grumbles, rolling to face the wall.

“Andy, it’s me, Eddie, I want to play today.” Eddie whines. Andy is usually excited to play with Eddie. Eddie is five years old, three years younger than Andy, but they were still close friends. 

Andy was the first kid to be nice to Eddie when he moved to town. Everyone had seen his family and heard his accent and pushed him to the side, choosing to ignore him instead of inviting him to play. That was until Andy had something to say. All the other kids on the street looked up to him, as he was a few years older. 

“Come on, please!” Eddie begs, shaking Andy’s shoulder.

“Eddie, stop! I’m sick!” Andy yells, shoving him off the bed in a fit of anger. 

Eddie falls to the ground, landing awkwardly on his ankle. He shouts out in pain and grabs his leg.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to actually hurt you.” Andy says, sliding out of bed and onto the floor next to Eddie. He takes his ankle and examines it to make sure it's okay. 

“What do you mean you’re sick?” Eddie questions. “Do you have the flu?”

“No, not the flu. I have… cancer”

Eddie sits in silence for a minute before responding “My grandpa had cancer… What is cancer?”

“It’s like a sickness where your body destroys itself. That's what my mom told me. I have it in my lungs. The doctors said they spotted it pretty early, but I will have to go through treatment.” Andy explains.

“Does it… hurt you?” Eddie asks.

“It hurts to breathe a little bit, but I’m mostly just scared.” Andy says, biting his lip.

“Don’t be scared, Andy!” Eddie says, crawling to him and wrapping his arms around Andy in a bear hug. “You’ll be okay.”

\--

“Why are you wearing that hat?” Eddie questions, making a face at the beanie placed awkwardly on Andy’s head. The only hat he ever wears is his baseball caps and even then he doesn't wear them often. Eddie couldn’t help but thinking it lookes misplaced.

“It’s cold out here.” Andy shrugs. They were sitting on a bench outside of the hospital Andy was staying at for the time being, watching the nearby river flowing. Their moms were chatting at the entrance way of the hospital, letting the boys have some space to themselves.

“You were wearing inside, too.” Eddie points out.

“It was cold inside, too.” Andy says with a snap, obviously getting annoyed by Eddie’s questions. He didn’t want to be mean to him, but the whole situation just made him uncomfortable and irritable. He’s spent a week at the hospital so far getting poked, prodded and injected by various doctors. Andy wasn’t sure when he was going to be able to go home, but he hopes it's soon.

“Okay… Wanna play tag?” Eddie offers, hoping that will brighten his mood.

Andy isn’t sure if he would be able to handle all the running. Physical activity stressed his lungs and he knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing that. He offers to play hide and seek instead and Eddie quickly agrees. 

Andy counts first, going up to 50 and then searching for Sebastian. There aren't very many places to hide at the little park outside the hospital, so Andy finds him quickly. 

It’s Eddie’s turn to count and Andy looks around, deciding the only possible place to hide was in a tree. He chose the easiest tree to climb, but he is still exhausted and weak from treatments.

“...48, 49, 50! Ready or not here I come!”

Andy is in the tree and is panting pretty heavily, but with the wind, he doubts Eddie will hear him. Eddie looks around for a couple minutes before sighing. "Give me a hint!"

Andy scoffs at how quickly the younger boy gave up but yells his name anyways to give him a hint. Eddie runs over to the tree, looking in the bushes around it before looking up.

“Haha, got you!” He yells. 

Andy chuckles and starts to climb down, when his hat gets snagged on a branch and pulled off his head. He yells out and reaches to grab the hat but ends up losing his balance. He falls to the ground with a thump, his hat landing next to him.

"Andy... your hair." Eddie whispers. Andy can feel tears well up in his eyes. He isn't normally insecure about his appearance, but when he lost his hair because of the chemotherapy, all that changed. He even wore hats around his parents and doctors.

"Your hair... is awesome!" Eddie yells, helping Andy stand up. "It's so cool! You look like a soldier or something."

“You really like it?” Andy asks.

“I really do.”

\--

“Andy.” His mother, Deborah, whispers, rubbing his head and combing the little bit of hair that has grown back on his head with her fingers.

“Yes, mama?” Andy asks, keeping his eyes closed. He was so tired he didn't know if he could open them. They felt heavy, like his body was being held to the hospital bed by some invisible force.

"How are you doing? Do you feel well enough to see Eddie?" She asks.

Andy nods, trying his best to sit up in bed. "Yeah, I wanna see Eddie." It's been too long since he's seen his best friend. Now Andy has been battling cancer for almost a year, with lots of chemotherapy and treatments. He even had to celebrate his ninth birthday in the hospital. His parents and the nurses did their best to make it fun, but there is only so much fun one can have in a hospital room.

Deborah nods and goes out the door, coming back with Eddie a minute later. "I'll give you guys some time. We have a meeting with the doctors and then we will see you after that." She smiles, closing the door behind her.

"Your mom says you're close to getting out of the hospital." Eddie says, sitting down on the bed next to Andy. "She said you might be able to come to my birthday party."

"I hope so.I'm so sick of being in here. I feel trapped." Andy sighs.

"It's just not fun. We have to find something fun to do. Like... playing cards!" Eddie says, grabbing the deck of cards off the bedside table.

The boys play various card games for almost an hour until Andy's mom comes back into the room, this time accompanied by Andy’s father as well.

"Kimi, we have news... Do you want Eddie to stay?" She asks.

Andy nods, feeling himself get shaky at whatever his mom was going to say.

"We just got done talking with your doctors. We have good news." She is smiling, coming and taking a seat next to the bed. "Your cancer is gone. We're leaving the hospital in a couple days." His mom starts to cry, giving Andy a big hug. Andy looks relieved to finally be leaving. He hugs his mother, then father, then looks to Eddie. 

"Does that mean you can come to my birthday party?" Eddie asks.


	2. Chapter 2

Andy is sitting at his desk, typing out notes for an upcoming assignment, when all of a sudden he hears a tapping on his window. Andy looks over to see Eddie's big smile and floppy, curly hair.

"You know, you could just use the door." Andy says, opening up the window and letting Eddie in. 

"Where is the fun in that?" Eddie asks.

"You're 14, yet somehow you still act like you're five years old." Andy scoffs, sitting back down at his desk.

"Hey!" Eddie shouts, giving Andy a smack on the head before jumping onto his bed. 

"What do you want?" Andy asks. "I'm trying to work on homework."

"Homework?" Ew." Eddie laughs, even though he has never missed a homework assignment in his life. "Do I have to want something to come and see my best friend?"

Andy puts his pencil down and turns to face Eddie. "Wanna watch a movie?"

Eddie nods his head. They move down to the living room and start a film, where Andy's mom makes popcorn for them.

"Thank you, Mrs. Haldane." Eddie smiles.

Deborah gives him a glare, telling him again that he has permission to call her by her first name.

They sit watching the movie and snacking when Andy starts coughing. Eddie ignores it at first. Andy's lungs are still weak from the cancer he had when he was little, so it was normal for him to get coughing fits. When it goes on for over a minute, Eddie pauses the movie and switches on a light.

"You okay?" Eddie asks, standing up and getting a glass of water for Andy.

Andy can't answer because he is still coughing, but he's able to take a small sip of water. Eddie starts to get worried, mind going back to a younger Andy, laying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and tubes.

"Should I get your mom?" Eddie asks, even though he knows what Andy's answer will be.

Andy shakes his head no. He finally starts to slow down coughing, glancing at the hand he's been coughing into. He notices specks of red. Blood.

"Ed..." Andy shows him.

"I'm getting your mom." Eddie says as Andy starts to cough again.

"Mrs. Haldane!" Eddie shouts, running around the house calling for her. After looking everywhere, he finally spots her out of the back window, pulling some weeds out of her flower garden.

"Mrs. Haldane!" Eddie yells, flinging open the back door.

"Now, Eddie, I told you to call me Deb-"

"Andy is coughing up blood!" Eddie shouts, cutting her off.

Deborah turns pale as a ghost, pausing for a moment to digest what Eddie had just said before running past him and into the living room. Eddie follows her back, where Andy is now off the couch and on his hands and knees on the floor, coughing and spitting up blood.

"Eddie, call an ambulance!" Paula yells, wiping the bloody spit off of his face. Eddie gets his cellphone out of is pocket, quickly dialing.

It's only a matter of minutes until they hear the ambulance. Deborah struggles, but is able to pick up Andy and carry him out the front door. Eddie follows, but as Andy is strapped into a stretcher and put into the ambulance, the door is slammed on his face. In a flash, they're off down the street towards the hospital.

\--

Eddie's mom, Betty, drives him to the hospital so they can see Andy. "Remember, be respectful of Andy's parents."

"I know, ma." Eddie nods, getting out of the car. They walk up to the front desk and check in before going up to Andy's room. It was a different hospital than the one Eddie remembers visiting Andy at when they were little.

When they get to the room, Andy is sitting up and quietly talking with his dad. Eddie notices how frail Andy looks. His face looks sunken in, with dark circles under his eyes and a breathing tube coming out of his nose.

"Hey." Eddie says, coming over to set next to the bed.

"How are you doing, Eddie?" Andy asks, smiling slightly.

"I... I'm scared." Eddie says, putting his head down on the bed, not wanting Andy's parents or his mom to see him cry.

"Don't be scared. I'm gonna be fine, promise."Andy says, placing a hand on Eddie's head.

"I just can't believe your cancer came back." Eddie sighs.

"I know, Ed. But really, I feel okay. We're starting treatments again son, and mama said the doctors caught it pretty earlyon, so I should be good." 

\--

"Why?" Eddie shouts.

"You wouldn't understand." Deborah says.

"Why would you lie to Andy? You told him he was going to be okay, you said the doctors caught it early!"

"I know what I told him. If he thinks that the doctors aren't confident he'll get better, he will be more confident. I want to give him hope." Deborah explains.

"You lied to your son! You're a liar!" Eddie shouts. Deborah takes a step back, face dropping.

"Edward Jones!" Eddie's mom gasps, glaring at him and then going over to give Deborah a hug. "Do not speak to her like that." She warns.

"It's the truth." Eddie says, even though he feels guilty for making Deborah upset. "You... you should have told him the truth. He's not a child anymore."

\--

"How was school?" Andy asks as Eddie comes bounding into Andy's hospital room. Eddie drops his backpack on the floor and climbs into Andy's bed to sit next to him.

"Alright, much better if you were there. Everyone gave me a bunch of cards to give to you." Eddie gestures towards his backpack.

"You can put them on the table. I'll look at them later.” 

Eddie puts them on the table, moving slowly. He hesitates before sitting back down, looking at the tubes coming out of Andy’s nose. He was too young for this, only 17 years old. It broke Eddie’s heart, seeing him and knowing that there was a very small chance of him getting better.

"Just tell me." Andy says suddenly.

"Tell you what?" Eddie questons, sitting back down on the bed.

"You've been wanting to tell me something but you haven't. Whatever it is, you can tell me." Andy explains. Eddie’s first thought was a different confession than the one Andy was referring to. Eddie should have expected Andy to know what was going on. He was smart and would pick up on the signs from his parents and the doctors.

"It's... I can't tell you. Your mom told me not to."

“My mom?”

"Look, Eddie, it isn't my place to tell you. You need to talk to her. It's about your cancer." Eddie ways.

"I'm dying, Eddie, aren't I?" Andy asks.

Eddie turns awa and wipes the tears that start to fall from his eyes. "Your cancer wasn't caught early. You're a lot farther along tha your mom told you."

"Okay." Andy nods, laying back in bed and staring up at the ceiling. 

"How are you not freaking out?" Eddie asks. 

"It's my body. I could tell. She's just trying to protect me." Andy explains.

"You... You can't die, though. You're my best friend. I almost lost you when I was five and I don't want to lose you again. I..." Eddie trails off.

"Come here." Andy opens up his arms to Eddie. Eddie lays down on the bed and cuddles up next to Andy. Andy wraps him in a tight hug. Eddie doesn't want to but he can't stop himself as tears begin to flow. 

"Shh." Andy whispers "Please don't cry. I'm right here."

Eddie is about to reply when the hospital's PA system comes on "Visiting hours end in 15 minutes."

"If you fall asleep, they won't make you leave." Andy says. Eddie nods and grabs his cellphone to call his mom, explaining that he wanted to stay with Andy overnight. She said he was lucky it was a Friday so he didn't have school tomorrow, and he could sleep there as long as she called him right when he woke up. Eddie thanked her and then climbed back into bed with Andy.

\--

"Wake up." Andy says, shaking Eddie's shoulder.

"Mmm, no." Eddie says, turning away. 

Andy wraps his arm around Eddie, snuggling into his back. "Wake up." He says, less convincing this time.

"No." Eddie chuckles, then realizing that Andy was spooning him in a hospital bed. Eddie sits up quickly, too quickly. His arm gets caught in Andy's breathing tube. 

"Hey!" Andy says.

"Uh, sorry. Gotta use the bathroom." Eddie stammers, getting up and practically running into the attached bathroom. Eddie closes the door behind him and rubs his hands through his hair.

"What am I doing?" Eddie whispers.

“You okay?” Andy asks, knocking on the door.

"Um, yeah." Eddie says, flushing the toilet and then washing his hands.

"Eddie, you know if you wanted to be the big spoon you could have just said so." Andy jokes when Eddie opens the door. 

Eddie chuckles, and feels his cheeks blush. 

Andy coughs slightly, adjusting his nose tubes. "You okay?" Eddie asks. 

"Yeah, fine."


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie knows. The second he hears his mom open the door to his room sometime around midnight, phone in hand, he knows.

"No." Eddie shakes his head, tears already streaming down his face. "NO!" Eddie yells.

"I'm so sorry." Betty says, coming over and wrapping Eddie tight in her arms, rocking him back and forth. 

Eddie sobs for hours. Eventually his parents leave him, urging him to go back to sleep. Eddie is sad and angry. Andy can't be gone. He was Eddie's rock, his best friend, the one person he cared about more than anything.

Eddie eventually falls asleep, but its reckless, probably only getting an hour in total. He would drift to sleep and then see Andy's face. Sometimes it's from when they were young, both healthy and playing. Sometimes it's his face from last week, pale, tired, but still smiling sweetly. He wouldn't be asleep for ten minutes before waking up and crying more.

"Hey, Ed." His dad, Paul, pokes his head into the room, around 8 am. At this point, Eddie was all cried out. He couldn't shed another tear. His eyes were red and puffy and he just felt... empty.

"I want to see him." Eddie says, not even bothering to make eye contact with his father.

"We need to give his parents some time and space. They need to be with him right now."

"I need to be with him too. I'm his best friend. I... I was his best friend." Eddie whispers.

"You'll see him at the funeral."

Eddie sighs and turns away from his father, starting to feel his throat tighten and the urge to cry rise in his stomach.

“I’ll leave you alone.” Paul says, closing the door behind him.

\--

“I’m worried about him.” Betty says, glancing at the door to Eddie’s room.

“He lost his best friend.” Paul shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee. “Don’t expect him to feel great.”

“He hasn’t left his room since we told him. He barely eats, I know he’s not sleeping. I just don’t know how to help the poor boy.” 

“The funeral is today. That should give him some closure.” Paul says, noticing a tear slip from Betty’s eye. She quickly turns away to hide it. “Hey.” 

Betty looks back at him. 

“Our boy will be okay.”

\--

Andy's funeral was packed. Eddie recognized almost all of the student in Andy's grade from school. They all sat in back along with the parents. Eddie sat right up front along with Andy's family.

Eddie couldn't even listen to what the people were saying, all throughout the funeral he was staring at Andy's coffin. From his position, he couldn't even see into it. By now, a week after Andy originally passed, Eddie was all cried out. He felt like a large part of him had died that night along with Andy. He's had pets die and cried over other losses, but nothing like this. It wasn't just a death of a friend, it was the boy he loved being ripped away from him.

He knew it was coming. He knew to expect it. That didn’t change the shock and anger he felt. 

After the funeral, Eddie approached the coffin. Everyone was walking out of the back doors. He stood looking into the coffin, at Andy’s peaceful resting face. He no longer looked tired and frail. He just looks relaxed. Eddie hoped that whatever greeted him on the other side was worth it.

Once everyone leaves, Eddie reaches into the coffin and takes Andy’s hand in his. He’s cold to the touch, but he still feels like Andy. It’s the hand that helped him stand up from the ground when bullies had pushed him. It’s the hand he held when crossing the street coming home from school. It’s the hand he held when they watched horror movies together and both got scared.

"You okay, Eddie?" Deborah asks. Her voice makes him jump at first.

“Are any of us?” Eddie questions back. "There was so much I wanted to do with Andy. I thought we'd grow old and be... best friends. I'm nothing without him."

"That's not true, Eddie." Deborah says, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "I know you feel empty right now, I do too. But that's what mourning is like. Andy wouldn't want you to live your life feeling like this.”

"There's so much I had to tell him." Eddie says.

"I know. You had a short time together. No matter what you said, it never would have felt like enough."

"I didn't even tell him that I loved him." Eddie says, folding over in a sob. Deborah grabs Eddie and holds him close.

“He knew. Eddie, he knew. And he loved you back.”


End file.
